Changing the focus of my day has been an interesting challenge. Today I woke up at a reasonable hour (8:15), I ate a nutritious breakfast, walked the dog and then something happened. Instead of relaxing into a vegetative state, preparing for my morning off, I got ready, put make-up on and headed to the market… before 10am! I was finished so early that I decided to stop by at the bank and head over to Home Outfitters to price curtain options, yet I was still home before noon. Incredible! So what to do with the rest of my day?

On Wednesday night my husband and I were talking about my year’s goals before bed. I mentioned that I would love to start reading “The Principle Upanisads”, but it’s such a large book I didn’t think it could possibly fit into my one month per book deadline. And then Greg suggested a fantastic idea…. read it in addition to a book a month. Now I must say, this sounded like a stroke of brilliance at the time. Why didn’t I think of that?! Probably the same reason I have had this copy sitting on my bookshelf for three and a half years and haven’t even cracked the spine.

You see, for me, this book resembles one of those big scary commitments that I tend to avoid. You know the ones I mean. The things you would love to say you have done, you tell all your friends that you are excited to start, but in the back of your mind you’re thinking “this is never going to happen”. This is a 1000 page copy of the Upanisads. A book full of thoughts, ideas and philosophies I’ve already studied extensively. There’s just something about the commitment it will take to get through 1000 pages. I suppose it’s nothing more than that little voice popping up again, reminding me that all the good intentions in the world mean nothing without follow through.

So today, well today I crack the spine. Today I commit to myself to gain the knowledge I set out searching for three and a half years ago. Maybe I was supposed to wait this long. Maybe only now am I truly ready. Or maybe I’m just making excuses as to why I have all these amazing books on my shelf that have never seen the light of day.

Greg and I quite literally have a library. He came with books about geography, civil wars, theology and sports. I added books on dance pedagogy, eastern philosophy, psychology and ancient history.  Mixed in are countless fiction novels ranging from Agatha Christie to Timothy Findley and every where in between. We used to read. We used to read a lot. Somewhere along the way it dwindled, and slowly but surely we filled those formerly educational hours with excuses about how time consuming our lives are (yet there always seemed to be an abundance of pvr’s). We let ourselves become complacent. We stopped trying to grow, learn and expand our minds. We made the ill-fated choice to settle. And now each of us face a cross roads. Do we continue on this path of mediocrity, or do we fight for something more?

We are choosing to fight. To get back the moments in life that have been stolen by prime time programming.

I had the privilege of experiencing so much more than the average child because we didn’t have the same access to television that so many others did at that age. My parents were incredibly old fashioned in certain aspects of our upbringing, and they insisted that we go outside and PLAY! I want my daughter to have an imagination of her own. I want her to enjoying playing and discovering the great outdoors. I would rather her spend hours building our living room into a giant fort than sat in front of YTV. But if these are all the things I want for our soon to be little girl… must I not want them for myself? I guess it’s true, it all trickles down hill.

I’m excited to try harder. To look at all the goals and ideas I’ve had over the past few years and take the time to put the good ones into practice. Now is truly the time. I will never have a better opportunity to change myself in a positive way because right now, I have the best motivation anyone could ask for. Trying to be good role model for our little one. And who knows, maybe Greg and I will even get through our mountainous library. At least that way when our little Apple Seed (that’s what we call her at the moment) gets into the “why” stage, we might actually have some of the answers!